Awake and up to no good…

I am sitting in a semi-lit hotel room thinking and the thoughts are like words being spoken aloud. But perhaps that’s my dramatic way of listening to the air conditioning. I had dinner with a friend tonight at my favorite Afghani find from last year. Kiernan (with such a cool name) got me thinking. I refuse to be the plaything of a Wickham, even if it’s the fabrication of my own mind. And so, the social experiment kicks up again. But this time is not bound for Nigeria. That is a slow boat to hell. And so instead, I am listening and not responding. Giggling and laughing in a city that affords me the luxury to be flippant with something so precious. Wondering where the night got off to and what is delaying him. Exulting in anonymity even if my telltale markers are all over the body of evidence at hand. And yet somehow Lucille Clifton beckons me back to the Eden discovered in her coiled, compressed words.

Ode to my favorite festival

oh spanakopita, you look niceta
next to vegetarian moussaka
the night is young, let me danceta
next to hot men in tight pantseta…

How excited am I that this weekend marks the Greek Festival in SF? It is my absolute favorite one of the mix held in a city that loves festivals. You may ask what makes this one so great and I would respond the fact that there are Greek people involved. Families sitting around huge round tables, men and women who have labored to make homemade Greek food. Teenagers dressed in traditional village costumes performing in elaborate grapevine lines. The festival is one of pure mirth and joy. I always find myself laughing up a riot, especially when I join the grapevine dancing and find I am not wearing good shoes for the fast rhythms. So strap on your shiny black boots and head on over to Valencia St. for a festival unlike any other (unless you happen to be at another Green Orthodox church celebrating this weekend).

Things I love so far this week

1. The arrival of fall. It’s sneaky, at moments cloaking itself in the sun, but the bite in the air gives it away!
2. Having both of my best friends in the same town for a weekend!
3. Dancing until the late hours of evening at a fabulous Kennyo production!
4. Seeing the bard in the park with a bag full of blankets and not getting cold! How about the “Tears for Fears” gesture in the midst of a “Midsummer Night’s Dream?”
5. Walking Crissy Field on an unexpected day and having a great conversation full of laughter!
6. Watching Emily Dickinson and Gerald Stern’s poetry influence new thoughts into my words!
7. “Chocolate Chai” hot chocolate from Bittersweet.
8. Waking up, praying first thing in the morning. It sets me on such an even-keeled tone for the day!
9. Having brunch and running into an old high school friend! Small world.
10. Last but seriously not least, conversing candidly with my mentor about the challenges of this season and him encouraging the embers back into flame. Thanks Jeff!

Eat your heart out SF

So yours truly is now on Getty Images. That’s right, if you type in the correct spelling of my name, it will pull up a photo of me, Nicole and Esai Morales.

2 minutes before the photo was taken

ME: Esai, thank you for being a positive force for Latinos in the film industry. You’ve been doing it for a long time.

ESAI: Thanks. Yeah, too long.

And then we continued to gab about an uncle of mine who’s in Hollywood and usually plays a Mexican mafioso. He can die really well on screen.

And to this small brush of fame come Emily Dickinson’s words: “Fame is a fickle food / Upon a shifting plate”

Things I love so far this week

I was talking with Sharona this morning and decided this is my version of sunlight on the web, my VH1’s “Best Week Ever” synopsis (Also known as how many exclamation points can you jam into one blog entry). I think for a little while I may be expressing my thoughts in 10 point summaries and leaving the writing for the poems and papers. Much love to you all…

1. High fiving “Putty” from the show “Seinfeld” in Los Angeles!
2. Hummus and dolmas from La Mediterranee and trolling Pac Heights pretending we’re in Europe!
3. Buster with his hooked hand in Season 2 of “Arrested Development”- he could be funnier than Gob, though the jury is still out!
4. Writing SEVEN pages for a 3 page paper on Daniel in the KJV this evening- it’s almost done!
5. Driving in Los Angeles and not getting lost or hitting an Orthodox Jewish man walking to Rosh Hashanah services!
6. Meeting Jakov this morning!
7. Friends who are pregnant after many attempts of trying- go expanding waistlines!
8. My new little sapling “Ollie” the non-fruit-producing olive tree – he’s still alive!
9. That my brain is reverting to French translation often and without intention!
10. The return of the “Pumpkin Spice Latte” at Starbucks- kids, this truly means it’s fall!

Enter the lion’s den

Life is great right now. Work has been quite enticing these days as I have been travelling more than usual, making connections and pursuing plum opportunities. Just Friday morning at 4 a.m., I returned from a whirlwind of a trip to Los Angeles to attend a pre-Emmy’s gifting lounge. While there, my conceptions of Angelenos was turned on its head. I found the bulk of the people I encountered to be very friendly in a non-plasticky way. Even the celebrities I met were pretty down-to-earth and suffused my initial nervousness at approaching them.

Yet an overwhelming urge to sever myself into two beings keeps the knot on the upper part of my spine jutting out, beckoning my fingers to unloosen it. Enter the lion’s den with me for a moment. I have never suffered much from a lack of energy, but right now I am encountering a lack of time, unlike anything before. See last time I was in grad school, I worked three jobs to put myself through. This time, I have one gargantuan job that I am giving 115% to and attending virtual school. As my fellow grad school attending friend Sandra V. mentioned in SoCal, it feels like being run through a meat grinder on a daily basis. I want both existences but the stressing over schoolwork and how few 30 days really becomes in which to accomplish all of it is squelching any words from emitting themselves onto the page. There’s no time for poetry in the midst of everything else. Ack.

Thankfully, there are remedies at work.

1. Time management is going through re-evaluation. For some reason, my setup of writing a paper and then watching multiple episodes of “Arrested Development” while sequestered from the outside world still does wonders. When I’m not fish-sitting though, I will be sequestering myself from mindless seductions of the internet. I have shifted my work hours to allow later hours of schoolwork in the evenings, since most poems reveal themselves in the solitude of twilight.

2. His banner over me is love. It took reading the KJV renditions of multiple Psalms, Song of Solomon, Ecclesiastes, and Daniel for school to remind me of God in all this. All of this feels tonight like the ultimate vanity of vanities and I am wondering why I am doing all of this. Thoughts of leaving school and using the extra vacation time to traipse over to London longer in 2008 loom large. But then, I think of my fascination with language and wanting to wrap it into itself to create something new. I think maybe the difficulty here is figuring out the why. There’s a spiritual intervention needed here. I’m not sure I’ll be able to teach later down the road. Maybe that’s not in the cards for me. Perhaps being published isn’t either. But then I think of the absurdity of the idea and my desire to have poetry connect me to the land of the Gitanjuli. I still think God is there in what appears and sounds absurd when I mention it to other people. I just have no idea of what the post-this is going to look like. And so I hear those lions encircling me, claws clicking against the stony floor. The golden hairs of their manes sometimes sweep against my leg, so close is their proximity to me. But their mouths are clamped shut even as I can see the hunger flaming in their eyes. They can circle all they want, but they will never devour me. He’s seen to it.

Things I love so far this week

1. “Poetic Designs” by Stephen Adams. Kicked my ass back into shape.
2. Tearing up the dance floor with my Dutch relatives at my cousin’s wedding this weekend.
3. Tables and bowls made out of teak
4. Laughing and window shopping with Katy. I’ve missed it.
5. Insightful comments from my mentor on my first packet. Go Jeff!
6. Blue Bottle Cafe Latte. Bring on the froth.
7. Lemon Capellini from Whole Foods
8. Hearing that my friends the Princes are making a good transition in England.
9. Retro postcards from a kitschy store on Polk
10. Getting in some unexpected quality time (and study time) with my SoCal friend Sandra.