Archive for November, 2008

30
Nov
08

Geeking out on a Saturday night

I think writers are a special breed. Everyone writes. I get that. And some even go so far as to declare that as their profession (catch the slight nasal inflection upon the word “writer”) which is different in perception than being a reporter. There is something to be said for the drug of the craft.

Drug as in the wind blows the branches a certain way, blows a snippet of a line into your mind like candy to be sucked on. Drug as in you are out with friends, in the middle of drinks and the line is ready to reveal itself- you politely duck out and walk in a clipped gait because you don’t want to lose its potency.

So it’s Saturday night. I have been fighting my manuscript, in essence fighting against listening deeper than the surface treatment it has received. Tonight, sitting at a karaoke bar with Tyrone, I told him, “I am overthinking this. I need to just let go of it and the order will all fall into place. The poems will show me how they are talking to each other.” We sang (he: “The Promise” // me: “Umbrella”), we drank, hell we even made friends with a girl named Tressa visiting from Vegas and screaming with the rest of the bar in collective pitch to Four Non-Blondes “What’s Going On?” I had every intention of meeting up with Kenny for a late night movie / early birthday celebration. And then the urge hit, the need for the drug, fingers opening the laptop readily.

So after months and years and final days and hours, the draft of the MFA manuscript is now finally put to bed. Draft still because as Tyrone said, I “like to expound upon the work from the work.” How right he is. And yet, may I not be Goya in this.

24
Nov
08

Wilderness and song

Wilderness is unhabitable and somehow conjures up intrigue through the wildness that runs rampant. It is part of each of us- our story will have some wilderness threaded into it. The question is how to let its texture shape us- will it be like silken shantung with bumps that call attention away from the sheen of color? I like the idea in the story of the Exodus of manna raining down from the sky and only today noticed the part that said the people ate manna “for forty years, until they reached a habitable land.” I am hearing of more friends and people losing their jobs in this economy and am not dismayed, but feel the weight of their burden on my shoulders. May we in this season of wilderness find gift in the small moments of manna dropping around us daily. To this end, I suggest Louise Gluck’s “Song” below from her collection “The Wild Iris.”

Song by Louise Gluck

Like a protected heart,
the blood-red
flower of the wild rose begins
to open on the lowest branch,
supported by the netted
mass of a large shrub:
it blooms against the dark
which is the heart’s constant
backdrop, while flowers
higher up have wilted or rotted;
to survive
adversity merely
deepens its color. But John
objects, he thinks
if this were not a poem but
an actual garden, then
the red rose would be
required to resemble
nothing else, neither
another flower nor
the shadowy heart, at
earth level pulsing
half maroon, half crimson.

21
Nov
08

days of grit

It could be because work has been a meat grinder this week or it could be the coming mai-lai of my birthday which usually is the beacon of so many things good, but this morning I chose to see it as the harbinger of doom that has become the US press and their constant devotion to the downward cycle of the economy. Their chicken little to a sky coughing from smog. Tonight, I picked up some poetry and found it really spoke bits of glass into my spirit that today took on a bit of a cement rub.

I began reading Richard Siken’s “Crush” the other evening and found it brutal and vivid and beautiful. His sentence structure is choppy and his lineation on the page keeps the eye involved. He leaps around a lot and it works. The title really suited the collection in both its insinuation of being crushed and the reference to a love interest. As the reader, there is a pervasive sense of sorrow and suffering that has transpired. Since most of the poems are in the direct present voice, the effect on the reader is one of commiseration. His poem “Boot Theory” uses repetition turning the poem into a funny house with a wall of mirrors where the prismatic reflections implicate everyone in the room as holding the bloody knife. He brings the reader into his hell well. I think his short lines also disturbingly create a feeling of intoxication or maybe it was the smooth Sam Adams I drank at dinner. No matter, Siken’s words penetrated me deeply tonight as they speak of the human condition. I want to share “Boot Theory” below in its entirety. You’ve been warned. It’s not a happy poem, but damn, it’s chock full of beauty. Please note that due to the blog’s disrespect of poetic lineation the version below does not capture Siken’s lineation in “Crush.” And so it goes…

Boot Theory by Richard Siken

A man walks into a bar and says:
Take my wife- please.
So you do.
You take her out into the rain and you fall in love with her
and she leaves you and you’re desolate.
You’re on your back in your undershirt, a broken man
on an ugly bedspread, staring at the water stains
on the ceiling.
And you can hear the man in the apartment above you
taking off his shoes.
You hear the first boot hit the floor and you’re looking up,
you’re waiting
because you thought it would follow, you thought there would be
some logic, perhaps, something to pull it all together
but here we are in the weeds again,
here we are
in the bowels of the thing: your world doesn’t make sense.
And then the second boot falls.
And then a third, a fourth, a fifth.

A man walks into a bar and says:
Take my wife- please.
But you take him instead.
You take him home, and you make him a cheese sandwich,
and you try to get his shoes off, but he kicks you
and he keeps kicking you.
You swallow a bottle of sleeping pills but they don’t work.
Boots continue to fall to the floor
in the apartment above you.
You go to work the next day pretending nothing happened.
Your co-workers ask
if everything’s okay and you tell them
you’re just tired.
And you’re trying to smile. And they’re trying to smile.

A man walks into a bar, you this time, and says:
Make it a double.
A man walks into a bar, you this time, and says:
Walk a mile in my shoes.
A man walks into a convenience store, still you, saying:
I only wanted something simple, something generic…
But the clerk tells you to buy something or get out.
A man takes his sadness down to the river and throws it in the river
but then he’s still left
with the river. A man takes his sadness and throws it away
but then he’s still left with his hands.

17
Nov
08

collision of worlds

In the warm November evening of Friday, my friend T and I walked Market Street in search of cocktails. We found them (at Bong Su) but first in the darkness of the socially dimming sidewalk, a face emerged tethering me to my past. I pointed my index finger and bellowed, you!

A man wearing a beanie, goatee still brushing chin and lip, black eyes of clever come backs peered out at me not seeing, until spark of recognition and an Ohmigod escaped. I hadn’t seen this face for 3 years and frankly wasn’t convinced I would ever see him again.

J. and I had become friends at a coffeehouse for streetkids I volunteered at for 4 years. He usually kept to himself downing repeated cups of coffee, watching the room. Our M.O. found us at the table, playing chess on a regular basis. He let me castle and use a French open but never let me win.

In this way, our friendship emerged as chess teacher and pupil. We would chat about politics, about philosophy, about God. He lived under the Bay Bridge and could defend himself well. J. was the one who chided me for running after a homeless man who had stolen my wallet at a soup kitchen dinner. I wondered last night what he would say about my assault on the 38 line.

He looked back at me last night, smile as wide as his cheeks would go and we commenced rapid fire question style of catching up. He had just played chess at the tables set up in Union Square where he had lost one and won one. When he moved to his brother’s a few years back, I was happy for his life change and sad to see him go.

I walked away last night full. Full of how much I am not the same 20-something bleeding heart and aware of how relationships are like mines tunneled into mountains. Sometimes we find the end and sometimes the tunnel keeps extending deeper.

06
Nov
08

A word about salt

Can salt lose its saltiness?

I was pondering this tonight and did a quick google search. Lo and behold regular table salt has to be decomposed through electrolysis or diluted in water in order for the sodium and chlorine to separate. Am curiously interested in this possibility and glad I use kosher salt.

03
Nov
08

DGQ: Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni

“I think a good artist needs to be good human being. It’s difficult to explain that. I think that if you’re a good human being you have a better chance of being a good artist because I think good art is made of compassion. Compassion and empathy. And if you don’t have that you can create some very interesting pieces, but it won’t be great art. It won’t be something that people of other times and other places will be touched by. I think when we look back at the great artists (not saying that all writers and artists were wonderful people), we find that they had to have that compassionate vision in order to be great.”

- CBD from an interview with EB Studios http://ebstudios.com/oldsite/homespun/poetry/divakaruni.html